Friday, August 01, 2003

 

"Lonely Lowly Ronin is a Juno Reactor Fan ~Lose Control Fake Fate Get ouf of the Shell Zion Rave Long Mix Version 0614~"

   Spike's back! Yeshhhh, after a long hiatus of four + months, I'm back, if only to remind myself of my daily rants and raves. There is not much to say, really. Perhaps as my time draws nigh, more and more of 'me' shall appear on these screens, imprinting my very own 'self' into the words you now read. Perhaps, perhaps not. I daresay there's a good chance of that happening, though I can never be too sure of anything, especially things that concern myself.

   It is all good, though. And not. Depends on what you consider to be 'normal' or even 'good' for that matter, but it is all a matter of perspective. My headaches and migraines subsided for a while, but they're back. Not at a greater scale or blown at their full capacity, yet, they're persistently there. I just know it, I feel them at the side of my head. It is all good, though. They're controlled... at least for now.

   I did the most stupid thing I could think of. I wrote a huge letter addressed to Damián and Jazmín, basically spilling my guts to them, being very close to me and all, and I actually sent it. I haven't heard from them in a while, so this puts things in perspective. Maybe they haven't even read it. Or maybe they did and they're avoiding me? Ah, who knows. It felt right at the moment. I should not be led astray by something like that.

   The other day we went to Roberto's ranch. It was really good as we got to swim a lot... it was very nice and relaxing, quite soothing, to say the very least.

   Vicious is starting to come home more often, which is great, I had missed him a lot.

   I started up on this Japanese Guide and listed myself so i could send and receive mail from Japanese people. It's great! My sister was the one who started, though she found the page thanks to me. I stumbled upon it once, bookmarked it and forgot all about it. Yeah, my links are that messy. She found it and started using it, and then told me all about it. I, in turn, told Walter all about it. We are exchanging Japanese correspondece like there is no tomorrow. Well, maybe not that much, but we're actually sending and receiving messages. Which is very cool, for us. Unloved kids, and all. ^_~

   A lot has changed in the past few months. I probably won't say much about it, nor care much for it either... besides, one should not dwell on his past but move on. What is there to do besides that? To move, change, evolve and be free!

   It is all good. I suppose, I think... I want to believe.

   I had the best dream yesterday. Or the best dream I've had in a long time... which is a strange turn in itself, just the other day Damián and I were discussing how much our subconcious hate us. Well, mine does, anyway. As it happens, this particular dream involved me in a party, or what seemed to be like a really elegant party, because my brother and my sister were in it, too. Just goes to show you how big an impression they have on me. They were somewhere else, and I walked through a few rooms, the place being oddly familiar. A lot of people that made no difference on me, I walked on. At times I could actually see myself as a third person, though most of the dream shifted through my own eyes, a first person view, if you will. I don't particularly remember what I was wearing, but upon much pondering, I believe it was some sort of a black/navy blue suit. Might as well have been a tuxedo, for all I remember.

   There was a huge balcony, and it had somewhat of a step up, the balcony did. So, I used the one step to get a better view of the place (not having lost my sense of dimensions, being short even on my dreams), and lo and behold, an enormous city thundered for as far as my eyes could go. It was nighttime, but in the darkness of it all, many lights could still be seen, cars, skyscrapers. Why, one would think of this as a metropolis, New York or Tokyo, for example. Perhaps it was a mixture of it all. I look back on my dream and it seemed so vivid, so full of detail and life... I could almost take a deep breath as my counterpart did, I can almost feel the cool wind blowing on my face, the sweet scent of the night, and not just any night, but one where rain will govern and divide.

   I was alone for what it seemed like an instant, and yet I don't know how long it was. I had company, for I had sensed someone behind me. Five different voices, and one I had not heard for ages. Two of them were my brother and sister. Another one belonged to a friend and her fianceé and another one belongs to a gentleman I know, who drew them all back, all except for her. I was startled, and reassured in her voice, all at the same time.

   She came up to me and hugged me while behind me. It all happened the exact same way it does in all of those classic black and white motions, golden cinema, that was. Tender and caring as I once remembered her to be. In my ears I heard violins and cellos playing, whilst she spoke to me. A voice so soothing and sweet like hers, could never be forgotten. She spoke and held me from behind, nurtured deep thoughts to me, through words and a firm grasp. I turned to see her and returned a smile, while convincing her that my feelings towards her were nothing else but the same.

   And so we lied there, staring into the lights as the formation of clouds talked amongst each other, we just held each other, marveling at the night as we kissed. Rain fell.

   And so, I woke up. Only to find myself cold and alone.

   Such is life, I guess. But I have no complaints.

-Spike Spiegel, who looks for Julia, even in his dreams.
Dante Sparda posted this at 5:13 PM.